Advice, etc.

Owen is pretty well completely potty trained, provided he is naked from the waist down. As soon as you put anything on him he is not potty trained at all. Does anybody have any experience with this and any advice on how to translate this into a form of potty training that will allow him to go to preschool? Alternately, does anybody in the D.C. Metro area know of a good pants-optional preschool?

I'm having a yard sale tomorrow, because Mia has been begging to do it for over a year now and I finally caved. I've never had a yard sale before, so would appreciate any tips from the veterans. Of particular interest are things like how much I should charge for a size 18M pair of pants and an old high chair in mediocre condition and some of Chris's old dress pants. Also, how to you hang clothes that need to be hung when you are setting up in your driveway? I am working to devise a system featuring the ladder, the push broom, and the recycling bin, but I am skeptical.

I am also trying to sell something on craigslist for the first time, and I posted it on Wednesday and got an email and was so scared that it was somehow a scam and the guy was really a serial killer and was trying to lure me into his grasp by feigning interest in my co-sleeper that I didn't answer his email. And then I did get up the nerve to answer his email and he had found another one somewhere else. Any craigslist tips?

It seems I only post anymore when I need something from you, sorry about that. In regards to my last post, we bought a LG front loader, even though I was Firmly Opposed to getting a front-loader, because it was the second-highest rated washer by Consumer Reports and I found it for $500 installed. So far it works great, so much better than my old front-loader, but it is all of a week old so I am reserving judgment.

And as thanks for all of your wonderful advice, I would like to offer some fabulous fashion tips that I just posted over at the fabulous Style Lush. For those of you who have seen pictures of me, do not fear, the tips are not from me. They are from Mia.

Guess Who is Going Appliance Shopping?

My three-year-old washing machine is broken to the tune of $1500. I am a little confused about how it can be $1500 worth of broken since it didn't cost that much new, but the fact remains that I am not paying that and need a new washing machine. There is some consolation in the fact that the washer came with the house so I didn't pay for it myself, but it is still aggravating to have the brand new (Kenmore, front loader, high-efficiency, didn't work that well to start with and dead in three years, in case you are thinking of buying one) washing machine broken while the twenty-year-old dryer works beautifully.

So, washing machines. I am researching, I need to buy one by this weekend at the outside because the old one broke at the beginning of laundry day not at the end, and even though the children and I and our laundry are visiting my mother on Friday, if I don't have a washer up in here by the end of next week I will have to start contemplating laundromats, and I would rather not because am a spoiled little rich girl and they always have uncomfortable chairs (although I could fairly decline to take the children with me - maybe I will delay buying a new washer in the name of some free time).

Anyway, I have one short, easy question. Is there anybody out there, anybody in the entire world, who has owned and used a front loader for at least a year and actually likes the thing? Mine wasn't all that great to start with and now is junk, and I seem to hear lots of complaints. The only benefit I can think of is that without the agitator I can wash my king-sized comforter, but the children rarely vomit on my bed these days and if it happens there is always the good old laundromat.

So tell me, love your front loader? I'm gonna be needing the model number on that. Or, bought something lately after days of careful research and willing to let me ride your coat tails? Would appreciate the advice.

Unrelated

I woke up at 5 AM and was totally fine. I woke up again at 6 AM and could barely move. I suppose it is a sign of getting older that you can grievously injure yourself with an hour of sleep.

A recent conversation:
Her: Hey, when I sit like this on my knees, it makes my vagina hurt.
Me: Maybe you should try not sitting like that.
Her: That worked! I thank you, and my vagina thanks you!
Me: Did you seriously just say that?

My mailbox door has been broken for months, and I just learned how to fix it. From Handy Manny. That's educational television right there.

Bank on It

Both kids are sick, and the washing machine just broke, which guarantees that one or both of the kids will start projectile vomiting within the hour.

It doesn't happen often, but these are the days I start to wish that I was the one with an office to go to.

My New Obsession

Do you.... Freecycle? I just signed up yesterday, and I am so entranced that I can't seem to look away. I imagine it is the same way some people feel about Twitter (which I still fail to understand). I refresh constantly when I am at my computer, I can't stand to miss a post, etc. I am hoping the fascination will abate in a day or two as I still have children to raise who are not nearly as interested in the latest Freecycle offer as I am.

For those who don't know, Freecycle is a series of locally-focused message boards where people who have something they no longer want or need post a message offering it to the group at large and anybody who wants that item can email the owner and if all goes well they arrange to pass it along and the person who had the unwanted item gets extra storage space and the person who wanted the item gets it for free. The idea is to keep items that are still useful out of landfills, so you can post just about anything. And people do.

In the past day I've seen a couple of televisions, at least three microwaves, construction materials, furniture, mattresses, all sorts of things traded on my local Freecycle board. I've also seen half-empty packs of diapers and open bottles of vitamins, collections of half-used gallons of paint in unspecified colors, and odd collections of household items offered up as a lot. Some clothes, some toys, sort of like a huge and hugely eclectic online yard sale. Or yard give, I guess, since everything is required to be given away for free. My favorite offer so far was leftovers. Someone offered up the remains of their dinner, which they had not enjoyed and did not intend to finish, estimating that it would feed three people.

So, along with the compelling nature of things that people give away I'm also discovering that there is a great potential to trigger any social anxiety you may have. I've emailed about a couple of items in the past day, just because they would be handy to have and I wanted to see how this thing works. And sure, I understand that if you post an offer for three bikes you are likely to get a lot of emails and I may not make the cut. But when you send a very nice, exceedingly polite email expressing interest in someone's used travel Magna Doodle and get no response and somebody else get the Magna Doodle, well... it can start to make you wonder. What was wrong with my email? I said I could pick up any time! Who had a better offer than any time? Was my grammar bad? Does my email smell? Why am I not worthy of your used travel Magna Doodle? MY CHILDREN DESERVE A USED TRAVEL MAGNA DOODLE AS MUCH AS ANY OTHER CHILDREN!

It may be time for me to step away from the Freecycle.

Last Night

10:30 Beth falls asleep, exhausted from a day of child-wrangling, double pool trips, and hours in the heat working to deforest the completely overrun and embarrassing back yard. Some people claim that Beth begins immediately to snore in a loud and impressive manner, due certainly to above mentioned deforestation, but those people are dirty lying liars because Beth does not snore.

11:00 Mia turns up claiming to have had a bad dream, climbs into bed next to Chris, and falls asleep.

11:30 Chris moves to guest room to escape actual kicking and totally made up snoring.

12:00 Owen wakes up, Chris soothes back to sleep.

12:30 Owen wakes up, Chris soothes back to sleep.

2:30 Beth wakes up to answer a call of nature. Returns to bed and is shocked to discover the mysterious lump buried in the middle of the bed is her oldest child and her husband is nowhere to be found.

2:45 Beth climbs back out of bed, walks around to Chris's side, and climbs back in to escape the Kicking Feet of You Are Never Sleeping Again Doom. Beth spends the next 45 minutes trying to determine how a not-yet-five-year-old child can fill the entirety of a king sized bed.

3:30 Beth foolishly dozes off. Owen starts singing. Beth finally goes to see what his deal is and Owen demands to be taken, with blanket, to Beth's bed. Beth complies in the hope of ever getting to sleep again.

5:00 Owen finally goes back to sleep. And starts snoring. Actual snores, not the total bullshit snores of which Beth was previously falsely accused.

5:15 Beth retreats to Mia's bed. Not her favorite place to sleep, but pickings were getting mighty slim.

5:45 Beth foolishly dozes off. Owen starts to scream. Beth sprints down hall to gently quiet him before he wakes up his sister goddammit only to discover Owen sleeping peacefully when she gets there.

6:15 Beth finally goes back to sleep.

6:30 Chris gets up for the day and conducts a scavenger hunt to locate various members of his family.

7:30 Owen wakes Mia up to get her help locating their missing parents.

7:35 Beth starts mainlining coffee.

Questions

First, does everybody have the dream where your teeth fall out or are otherwise compromised, or just those of us who were terrified of our grandmother's dentures as small children?

Second, is the pool ever an acceptable provisional shower? I often run at lunchtime (the kids are going to watch tv then anyway since it is the only way to get them to sit still long enough to eat a few bites, so I figure I may as well run too), and then we usually go to the pool shortly thereafter. Now, I have showered the night before, so I'm sweaty (very, very sweaty) but not otherwise all that dirty, and it is so damned hot here lately that the two minute walk to the pool leaves me drenched in sweat anyway, so I feel foolish showering just to sweat again and then jump in the pool. So can I just go to the pool? And then can I run to the grocery store after the pool? You tell me.

Third, what do I get my five-year-old for her birthday? She has some small requests, but we are rather at a loss. She loves books and playing pretend and her iPod and has, as ever, small use for toys.

Fourth, how old were your kids the first time you left them with a non-family babysitter? (My answer is "nearly five and nearly two and a half.") (I feel quite sure this makes me abnormal.)